Sources Say Suicide Connected to Clinton Foundation

WOW. WHAT A STRANGE CONCEPT.

Authorities are making suspicious inroads this week in the mysterious suicide of an as yet unidentified and unnamed man in a small suburb called Megadon, just outside of the Clinton Foundation compound.  So far, police say they have found : “tenuous and puzzling psychedelic leads” to the Foundation, causing local area residents to seek the counsel of nearby religious leaders.

The three head pastors are said to be in touch with some reality beyond the gilded cage.

“They left our teachings long ago,” explained one clergyman from the well-populated Syrinx temple down the road.  “The elder race.  To learn and grow.”  The temple is large and well-equipped in an ultra-modern fashion with great computers filling the hallowed halls.  One partial witness to the event, Sandra Batt, described what may have been the man’s motive.

“He was kind of just a drifter, you know, wandering around.  I think he might have been a veteran of the great war.  He just looked as if he was missing something in his life.  Then I saw Mrs. Clinton drive down from her complex on the hill and point at the entrance to a small cave.  The man went inside and came out with what looked like a little guitar, of all things.  I listened to his music.  There was something there as strong as life, and I think it reached me.  But I remembered what the priests had always said about that kind of instrument, that they were just toys that helped destroy an elder race of men.  So I put aside my silly whims.  They just didn’t fit the plan.”

“Well if that asshole on the left would frigging listen for a change, the plan was to get rich from breaking open a shitload of them parkering meters.”

The unidentified man was found less than an hour later, dead by his own hand.  Clinton has been contacted and will appear before an investigative body at eight this evening for an interrogation.

Jumping on the theory that the individual may have been a war veteran, military sources have been contacted for any helpful background information, and have assured local authorities that they would assume control.  They would assume control.   They would assume control.

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