Secret Service Codenames Biden : ‘Messiah’

WHAT???

With every incoming presidential administration, America’s brave men and women of the secret service have to make adjustments, whether to their approach, weaponry, alert status, or scheduling.  Each new commander in chief is provided a codename to be used in official strategy sessions, briefings, and field work.

The Trump kids were called: “Lumpy”, “Dumpy”, and “Humpy.” In no particular order.

John F. Kennedy was “Lancer.”  Ronald Reagan was referred to with the sobriquet “Rawhide.”  Obama was “Renegade”, while his successor, one-term embarrassment and loser Donald Trump was referred to as : “Special Ed”.  It has now been revealed that incoming leader Joe Biden has been assigned the term : “Messiah”.

Deputy director of the secret service’s department of watching White House Down, Sandy Batt, says that the name was chosen to represent the Democrat’s intention to save the country from the simmering heap of trash Trump had been on his way to make it into.

“Like it or not, Biden is the savior of the United States right now, if not only because four more years of Trump would have surely cost even more American lives due to severe incompetence, and made us even more of a colossal embarrassment on the world stage.  Those optics absolutely make a difference when our allies can’t trust us with a mentally handicapped shyster in the big chair.  Thank God for our New, aptly labeled messiah, President Biden.”

As is tradition, higher-ups in the administration also receive codenames beginning with the same key letter.  For example, Bill Clinton was “Eagle”, while Hillary was “Evergreen.”  The only exception to the rule was Melania Trump, who was given the moniker “Rattler” because she often took to eating her Mardi-Gras beads.

“Hey. It’s me again. Just wanted ta’ add, I started two wars over nothin’, and you still gonna win the prize fer Dumbest Shitpresident. Heh! Guess ya CAN lower a bar when it’s already on the ground, huh?”

Although the news of this routine label isn’t of much consequence, conservatives and Trump-supporting sewer phlegm have naturally blown it up into yet another pretense of victimhood and probably will have a march that eleven people will participate in.  They really do need some serious Jesus.

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