Biden Says He’ll Pull Secret Service Funding To Protect Trump’s Kids: ‘They’re On Their Own’

Although the discovery of Putin's DNA in all three of Trump's kids is going to be harder to explain.

Joe Biden says Trump’s kids are “on their own” as of January 20th, 2021, just after noon.

“They don’t have to go back to whatever their lives used to be,” said Biden, “but they can’t stay here. And no matter where they go, they’ll be paying for their own protection.”

Biden is referring to the Secret Service protection presidents typically get for ten years after they leave office — more if they incur enough credible threats to their safety.

The move would put the President’s children in grave danger. Eric and Don Jr. aren’t the brightest bulbs on the tree, and the Secret Service often has to remind them that they have literal targets on their backs for the dumb things they say on social media.

On the other hand, Ivanka and her husband, who spend nearly $7 million a year in taxpayer money on private security, say they don’t need the Secret Service.

As for the President, he’ll continue to see his agents for at least ten years, or whenever he turns himself in to begin serving his sentence, at which time he gets free protection from the New York Department of Corrections.

We asked a spokesman for the Trump administration about Tiffany and Barron, and they responded, “who?”

Melania is expected to take her half of Donald’s debt, write a book about, and bring big Barron back to Slovenia where 40 bucks still gets you luxury accommodations in the unhappiest country in Europe.

All in all, this is pretty much what everyone expected to happen when the Trump dream ended, so no big deal.


About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 160 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.