Ocasio-Cortez Proposes Banning Sale of Ammo

WHAT?

For as long as anyone can remember, the liberal left in America has been trying method after method of sneaking our God-given right to own firearms out of our hands.  It exists not only for personal protection, but because the Founding Fathers worked very hard to build the foundation for a new country, but in case anything went wrong, wanted a provision that would allow any random group of crazed lunatics to destroy it if they felt the need.

“We seen a black feller at the bowlin’ alley! Time to TEAR IT ALL DOWN BROTHERS! TAMPON LUBE!”

Thanks to the Supreme Court and *President Trump, those gun-grabbing plans have mostly ended.  But socialist kewpie doll Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has another idea.  Can’t take the guns?  She’ll take the ammo.

Smurfette’s Congressional bill D-5150 would completely ban the sale of all types of conventional ammunition in retail outlets like Wal-Mart and between private sellers.  It would require the creation and licensing of specialized “ammunition stores” only to sell all bullets and projectiles.  Although the Sandy Batt Institute for Economics says such a move is brilliant and would add a brand new niche sector to the struggling economy, Congress’s former mojito-shaker admitted other motives.

“So, like, if the maniacs running around playing soldier want to pretend the second amendment gives them permission to have an AK at the mall, why not just cut their tiny balls off and let them shoot blanks?  I’m confident that’s the total soloush.   This is a very important time of crisis that *President FatQuack is already screwing up, and we don’t need his gun-toting mud-people in the mix.  Am I wrong?  Let’s try it out guys!  It can’t hurt!  Omigod, did you guys see Amazon is selling coconut-pineapple lip gloss?  That’s so Alohalicious!”

“Can you believe this bitchin’ jacket I found on Wish? It’s TOTALLY Japanese banana yums!”

The bill is making its way quickly through Congress, but is expected to meet resistance in the Senate.   However, acceptance has deep pockets, they say, and the gun lobby is already on board with the concept of a slew of brand-new ammo retail businesses starting up, and is heavily bribing scores of Republicans for their “yes” votes.  I guess we might have to forget about dropping by Wallyworld to pick up both bullets AND DVD’s with four shitty Eddie Murphy movies on them.  Like Pluto Nash.  Always, Pluto Nash.

*impeached

Be the first to comment