Clinton Foundation Caught Hoarding Relief Supplies

Arrests Imminent

A FEMA Inspector General’s report made public earlier today found that the Clinton Foundation has been buying up and hoarding relief supplies since early January.

It is estimated that their stockpile now represents over 50 percent of the nation’s supply. To make matters worse, the foundation had been charging FEMA exorbitant amounts of money for the supplies, which translates to billions in profits, all at the expense of the American taxpayer.

It also means that many poorer states, mostly in Trump country, cannot afford the much-needed supplies. The Inspector General has referred the matter to the Justice Department, which has announced that arrests are imminent.

Assistant US Attorney of the Southern District of New York Joe Barron laid out the case against the Clintons:

“Since early January, while the US government was still in denial about the crisis, the Clintons clearly recognized what was about to happen. They began to buy up any and all items that might be needed during the coming crisis at bargain basement prices, since at the time companies were overstocked and there was not yet any demand. They literally bought the stuff for pennies on the dollar. And now they are making a ton of profit, at least 4%. While they are only charging a fraction of what other companies are asking for the same supplies, we can’t let them get away with it. Because, you know, it’s the Clintons and Trump hates them. Trump would rather pay $15 for a can of Baked Beans from one of his buddies than pay the Clintons $0.95.”

Of course, this article is total bullshit. The Clintons aren’t going to get arrested and, if anything, the Clinton Foundation has been doing a bunch of good work around the world. If you believe this article, then you’re a tater and an idiot and not worthy of cake. If you’re not a tater, click on the image below:

About Watt A Plonker 31 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London, where he shares a flat with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.

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