Fox News reported this afternoon that well-known conservative commentater, Rush Limbaugh recently checked himself into a rehab clinic to beat a destructive addiction to bath salts. Many of us are pretty sure he was high on bath salts the last time we heard him say anything.
Contrary to the Fox News report, CNN released its own report stating that Limbaugh had to be tranquilized to be brought into custody by the Dearborn Police for suspicious behavior.
CNN contributor Ragablag Griiggagablag went so far as to say Limbaugh was spotted looking agitated and speaking in tongues with his face and shirt completely soaked in blood. Rumor has it he chewed a dude’s face off.
Fox News’ resident religious scholar and Bible expert, George Zapp, in an interview with Paid Liberal Trolls (parent company of Liberal Trolls For Jesus) had this to say:
“It doesn’t matter if it was snorting bath salts, smoking banana peels, or if he’s in rehab for either of those things, he’s still going to Hell. Jesus hates drugs, nobody who has done drugs is getting into Heaven. Also, this music is fucking erotic. I love it.”
It stands to reason, logically, literally, that both reports can’t be 100% true, there are parts of the stories that have them in direct conflict with each other. There are alternative facts in one, the other, or both. I mean come on, did you even read the CNN contributor’s name? It was Ragablag something-or-another.