Tucker Carlson Arrested in Massive Prostitution Sting

UH OH!

Some call it “the world’s oldest profession.”  Prostitution.  The trading of money, and/or goods and services for sex is a crime some call “victimless” and others call “a desperate and painful way to make a living.”  As of yesterday, Fox News pundit and Buckeye News Hawk award winning journalist Tucker Carlson might be calling it the end of his career.

Making the star’s situation even demonstrably worse, the prostitute connected to Carson during the bust was found in critical condition due to an overdose of an as-of-yet unspecified drug, and was pronounced deceased upon arrival at the Joe Barron Medical Center in Whiteville, NY.  The charges pending against the Fox masturbator of the elderly now range from soliciting illegal activity to second-degree manslaughter.  Judge Jeanine Pirro, a friend and fellow Fox thundertard believes she can whittle the latter down to third degree hookerslaughter.

“Tucker! You ALWAYS leave the hookers on the BUS! What an amateur!”

New York police officials say the sting operation had been in the planning stages for months, after reconnaissance work identified a prostitution ring running within only a block of Fox’s main studio.  According to detectives familiar with the case, Carlson had been a “linchpin” of the sting thanks to his nonchalant frequenting of the ladies on a regular basis, to the point where many referred to him with the nickname : “Two Minute Tucker.”

The single casualty, 57-year old self-described “Uberwhore” Wanda Yakonme, a resident of nearby Ashbaucher Heights Community for Urine Swimmers was initially discovered underneath a naked Carlson, clad only in a Trump 2020 campaign bumper sticker.  A second investigation has been opened regarding the President’s possible role in the crime, as he does have extensive experience in similar activity.

“Shit. I was saving the Whore Pardon for myself.”

Could this ugly scene spell the end of one of Fox News’s most outspoken and easily proven false talking chimpanzees?  It sure wouldn’t be the same to let a new face try to put an even more ridiculous spin on Tucker’s usual bullshit.  But that just may be the future.   Stay strong, newsman.

Be the first to comment