Feds Release Identity of Scumbag Antifa Leader

The leader of the national Antifa movement has been located living in a rented trailer in a shithole town in Indiana. According to our sources at the FBI and DOJ, Stevie Leeland Assbaucher, known to his 3 friends as “Steve the Loser,” has been holed up in the hovel he calls home since his family left him for dead over a decade ago.

Chief investigator Joe Barron explains:

“Stevie is actually just some poor, degenerate loser whose alcoholism and rage cost him a successful orthopedics practice, his family, and sent him into bankruptcy. He’s been living in a run-down trailer park ever since with his girlfriend Tommy Hockenberley, who now identifies as a man, and a stripper named Destiny. We’ve investigated him before, but we found that he didn’t have the means or the physical presense to actually be a threat to anyone.”

It seems that the only people low enough to associate with Stevie at all are other losers just like him, and Antifa. As everyone knows, Antifa is a national organization funded by George Soros for anarchist assholes with no lives. It would appear that this loser fit in particularly well.

So well, in fact, that he rose to the title of “National Antifa Leader,” a role that doesn’t earn any money, respect, love, or anything else tangible. Stevie fits the bill perfectly. Shortly after beating his wife and being disowned by his own children, Stevie re-married, but that didn’t last long, as he was too poor to replace the D batteries required to keep her alive:

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People who know Stevie say he still mourns her loss.

So now that we know the identity of this useless loser, the feds say there’s not a whole lot that can be done about it:

“Unfortunately, we can’t file any charges, because the guy doesn’t actually leave his trailer for anything other than cashing his disability check at the liquor store with a quick stop at Mai Ling’s House of Happy Endings on the way home. AARP provides him with 2 free meals on wheels a day and he drinks his dinner.”

The not-so-notorious loser is said to be around 60, approximately 5-foot-7 and 248 pounds. Other than a tattoo that says “I’m an idiot” in Japanese on the back of his neck that he thought said “Troll King,” there is nothing about him that stands out. At all.

Looks like we should all just pity his sad life and ignore him.

About Flagg Eagleton 16 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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