Illegal Immigrant Īsā Ibn Maryam Wins Dem Primary, to Become Fifth Member of Squad

AOC is ecstatic

Illegal immigrant and far left progressive Īsā Ibn Maryam (عِيسَى ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ in Arabic) has won the Democratic Primary in Michigan’s 35th District, edging out his moderate challenger Joe Barron by a mere 182 votes, or 50.03 to 49.97 percent. MI-35 has a PVI rating of D+34, or solid Democrat, meaning that Ibn Maryam will likely coast to election in November.

The district is so blue that the Republicans have not even found a challenger yet. The announcement took weeks because votes had to be recounted several times due to the close tally.

Originally from the Middle East, where he developed a cult-like following with his progressive views and was a founding member of the radical People’s Front of Judea, Ibn Maryam’s activities drew the ire of numerous state and local authorities in multiple countries. In the face of mounting pressure from authorities and threats of imminent arrest he fled the Middle East and came to the United States as an undocumented immigrant in 2009.

Shortly after they were elected to congress, Squad members Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib sponsored Ibn Maryam under a little known immigration statute for religiously persecuted refugees, and in 2018 he was fast-tracked to become a naturalized US citizen. Īsā Ibn Maryam is now slated to become the fifth member of the “squad” and also its first male member.

Reached for comment at her home in New York, squad member Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was nothing short of ecstatic:

“This is one of the most exciting things to happen since I became a member of congress. Īsā’s views on free healthcare for all, regardless of where they are from, taxing the rich, helping the poor and sticking it to the authorities perfectly aligns with our progressive agenda. He even supports my Green New Deal. It’s almost like Jesus himself came to America.”

While Ibn Maryam’s election is certain to not sit well with many American patriots, it is undoubtedly another win for the radical far left.

About Watt A Plonker 41 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London, where he shares a flat with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.

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