Pelosi Bill Allows Undocumented to Collect Social Security

UNBELIEVABLE!

Social Security was specifically designed as a safety-net for America’s senior citizens, to assure that in their twilight years, the money that they themselves had worked so hard for during their lives would be there when they retired.  The key word in that sentence was “America.”  But just this last week, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi authored Senate bill D-711, which allows undocumented people living and working within the country to begin receiving social security benefits after age 65.

“Machete also wants 10% discount at Outback Steakhouse.”

Pelosi’s reasoning, says Sandy Batt of the Bureau Legislating Undocumented Motivation Permanently Keeping Immigrants Nice, is that the majority of those working laborious jobs and receiving paychecks do, in fact, contribute to the fund, as well as the general tax base, and should receive the same benefits as their native-born cousins.  B.L.U.M.P.K.I.N. was one of the chief backers of the legislation, and notably, contributed to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign in 2016.

The social security fund is a hot-button issue among the impeached failure of a President’s base, due to the fact that they’re mostly elderly retired mumu zombies, gullible enough to believe the Republican party hasn’t been drooling over that money for decades and has, in fact, tried to privatize the system since its birth, as recently as during the second Bush administration.   It’s also a fact that the Trump Cult of Uneducated Clams fly off the handle upon hearing that anyone browner than they are is treated the same or better than them.  It’s why they’re angry when they hear Al Sharpton has tax issues, but happily dance with their dicks out when Trump’s are ignored.

The fictional bill that fan-favorite Trumper demon Pelosi fictionally wrote will also provide illegal immigrants with fruit baskets once a year on their birthdays, and sets aside eleventy trillion dollars of quarters scrounged from grandma’s laundry lint-filter to provide each with a Maserati and a relaxing “happy ending” massage from Mike Pence.  Pence fully supported the proposal.

“For an extra five dollars, I’ll use the feathered scuba flippers.”

There’s no point in getting into specifics of how such a bill would work without a quagmire of address confirmations and the rewriting of half of America’s tax code.  The real question is : will Trump’s simpleton weebles spin in figure eights yet again for a satirical collection of dick jokes?  I think we all know the answer.

Be the first to comment