Nancy Pelosi Promises Next Stimulus Package Will ‘Only Help Democrats’

Nancy Pelosi says her new stimulus plan will help all Americans, as long as they’re Democrats. House Bill H6795T7198Y089E, submitted by Pelosi, will provide another $1200 for each and every American…as long as they qualify.

Pelosi’s spokesman, Art Tubolls, says the plan is solid and that it will spark serious economic growth:

“The Pelosi bill will provide another payment to Americans who qualify, and that will spark serious economic growth.”

The qualifications are a little bit confusing, and Ben Shapiro says it will exclude virtually all Trump supporters.

According to the Council Union Network Treasury Society, a non-profit thinktank that offers editorial comment, the bill is “extremely lopsided.” Spokesman Joe Barron says that most God-fearing, Trump-loving Americans won’t qualify:

“Pelosi thinks she’s smart by refining the qualifications to her liking. For example, nobody with an IQ under 80, which is most Trump supporters, will qualify, unless they have a medical condition that explains it. Just being stupid won’t work.

“Then, she excludes people on welfare programs in red states. Even the ones who won’t admi it. She says they already get enough help and need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps.

“And finally, she says if a person makes more than $75K a year, they probably don’t need the money, which eliminates Trump supporters who love him because the stock market couldn’t care less about dead people, as long as it benefits shareholders.

“This whole bill is a nightmare.”

A nightmare indeed. As a person with an IQ of 79, I’m personally a bit upset that I won’t qualify, though I do have high blood pressure, so that may save me. Kinda like if I got COVID 19 and died. No hospital should be allowed to collect $50K off of me if I have a pre-existing condition.

Nancy Pelosi is obviously out of touch and needs to understand that without Trump supporters, social media wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

About Flagg Eagleton 20 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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