Ilhan Omar’s Brother Arrested in Prostitution Sting

The truth is right in front of you

Ilhan Omar’s youngest brother was arrested on suspicion of attempting to hire a prostitute in Eastlake, OH last night and charged with illegal trespassing, public drunkenness and solicitation of a prostitute. The suspect, Graabir Boubi, is also Omar’s third cousin, twice removed.

According to Detective Sergeant Joe Barron of the Eastlake Police Department’s Vice Unit, undercover officers had been conducting a prostitution sting at the Pure Pleasure Adult Bookstore when they noticed the visibly intoxicated and tuxedo and top hat-wearing suspect attempting to enter a back door to the building.

Cletus Derpfinger, manager of the bookstore, explains what happened next:

“The guy was obviously drunk. I don’t think he even knew where he was, to be honest. He looked a right sight in his tux and top hat. He came in through the back door and fell flat on his face.

And to top it all off, when he finally managed to get back up he knocked over a shelf of lubricants when the corner got caught in his cummerbund. It caused quite a slippery mess on the floor. It took us hours to clean it all up. The whole place still smells like strawberry and chocolate.

Anyhow, after all that happened he kept saying ‘Allahu Snakhbar’ and asked customers which direction Mecca was in. The final straw was when he asked a female undercover vice detective whether she was working, and he was immediately arrested. I’m pretty sure he meant to ask her whether she worked here, but the cops didn’t see it that way.”

According to the police report, the suspect was incoherent and could not be interrogated until the next morning, when he denied the charges.

Mr. Boubi’s attorney, Thomas Bagger, defended his client’s actions:

“Look, he’s a young kid and he made a mistake. He was depressed. He had finally gotten a first date, spent $300 on a tux rental, another $80 on flowers and then he got stood up. How would you feel? He felt totally rejected and drowned his sorrows. It’s happened to just about every young man on the planet. All he was doing was trying to get back home. We’re hoping that the police will cut him a break.”

We can only hope that the top-hatted young crusader has learned his lesson and wish him the best of luck on his next date.

About Watt A Plonker 40 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London, where he shares a flat with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.

Be the first to comment