RNC Platform – ‘Vote Red For God, Trump, & America’

YES!

The Democratic National Convention has ended, the lights shut off, the cameras silent, the teleprompters packed and sealed for transport.  It was a grueling and, at times, chaotic event, with speakers on a variety of subjects and agendas of social change, fiscal responsibility, and competent leadership made clear in a bid for support from the American people.

The bouncy houses went over really well, but Colin Powell kept hogging the ball pit.

By contrast, the Republicans are now rolling out the applause signs in Jacksonville, readying their message in the same town that heard from past luminaries such as Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, and Captain Lou Albano.  They’ve readied their official platform for aiding the populace, and it was viewed with surprise, having no mention of any sort of policy, financial plan, or health care solution.  It consists of a simple sentence :

God, Trump, and America – In that order.”

Joe Barron, RNC speaker and former wall-fund donation treasurer says that since today’s collection of Trump voters are incredibly simple, their platform must be as well.

“Let’s just get it out in the open.  The Republican party is completely over.  If you want to use the metaphor of politicians selling their soul for corruption, the RNC is basically a gigantic Dollar Store.  The morons who set themselves over Donald Trump don’t care about a healthy virus-free country.   They don’t care about the justice system or our foreign allies.  All they care about is letting that dumb douchebag Trump tweet every day and pretend he’s not retarded.  We’re pandering to the dumbest people on earth.  If we told them we were all about dick yanking in public, we’d still win Alabama in a flash.  Especially Alabama.”

ROLL TIDE!

With challenger Joe Biden rising in the polls and in a solid lead coming into the election season, a lot of work is going to have to be done at the convention to win over the crucial independents and undecideds.  As for the base, well, the ones that don’t gurgle to death from the Trump Plague are all in to get some.

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