Rand Paul Quits GOP

TURNCOAT!

With a few humble remarks and a statement detailing his immense disapproval and disgust with the state of the current Republican party and Presidential administration, long-time libertarian senator Rand Paul has announced he is finished with the G.O.P.  The son and standard-bearer of Ayn-Randian legend Ron Paul told media groups that he would no longer : “pretend to be subservient to an irrational and ridiculous leadership figure.”

This was word-for-word the same statement Mike Rutheford made when Phil Collins took over Genesis.

Paul, whose aforementioned father, as some may remember very nearly porked Borat, was the only non-Demoratic dissenting vote on the most recent Coronavirus relief bill, noting that the Republicans gave more attention to money and appearances, not giving a crap about actual troubled people and needy Americans that President Trump himself is responsible for putting in such a position in the first place.

Sandy Batt of the North Carolina Queefmutant Daily released his statements to the AP Newswire and Breitbart.

“Look.  I went along with everyone else for as long as I could, okay?  If you have a conscience or an education past second grade, it’s hard to keep covering for that imbecile Trump with a straight face.  I’m done.  I wasn’t going to vote for some watered-down giveaway to more of Trump’s friends just so he could pretend he helped get something accomplished.  He’s a mentally handicapped embarrassment to America and I’m just not putting up with his fat ass a second longer.  Let Lindsey or Mitch sell themselves out trying to get four more years of death and incompetence.  Not me.  Anyone reading this, do the right thing by your country and vote for Biden.   Ditch Mitch and his Bitch.”

Gulity as charged, minions!

Paul did not so much as confirm that he would be registering himself as a Democrat soon, a move that would harshly endanger the Republican’s hold on the Senate.  However, at this time, he is considered an independent outlier just in time for a hotly run election season.

Be the first to comment