Army General Praises Fonda at Fundraiser

UNBELIEVABLE!

Jane Fonda certainly has had a long and eventful life.  From her anti-war activism during the Vietnam conflict, to her acting career and fitness enthusiasm, she’s a strong and capable icon to millions and an example of American exceptionalism.  Last week, a spotlight was shined on her accomplishments at a charity fundraiser in Sandy Batt Lake, Oregon.

The Lake, unfortunately, is a frequent hangout of Ammon Bundy and his crew.

Active in community service and charitable work since the mid-seventies, the so-called “Kiss Army” has served as a heavy-metal sea of painted faces, gathering both to share their love of classic rock band “Kiss”, and to give back to the localities and the American people that they’ve loved for decades.  Replete with a ranking system and uniforms, the Kiss Army has remained a force for good, even if it comes from the end of a barrel of a “Love Gun.”

Last week’s auction was held by the group to benefit children without eyelids, and featured several special guests, with Fonda as the Mistress of Ceremony.  A slide-show retrospective of her life was shown, followed by a fawning speech by Kiss Army General Harry Nutzinmilk.

“If anyone remembers this woman’s workout tapes from back in the day, you’ll know what Gene, Paul, Peter, and Ace were talking about when they wrote ‘Let’s Put the X Into Sex.’  Man, she was smoking then, and she’s the greatest Milf to this day.  I must have broken six VCS’s just pausing and rewinding those suckers.  Jane, I think it’s safe to say you personally made many of us Rock and Roll All Night.  For a large portion of us, you were the face of the fifth solo album.”

To this day, the Peter Criss offering remains the number one item your dad might have used to roll weed up on in a Chevy Nova.

Fonda was honored with a golden statuette depicting her classic movie character “Barbarella” cozying up to a figure of Gene Simmons suggestively looping an oversized tongue into her cleavage.  Despite the awkwardly sexist and horny teenaged atmosphere, the event raised over three million dollars for the children.  And for Fonda, that’s a good cause to be “Licked Up.”

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