Rudy Giuliani, President Trump’s personal lawyer, and crack investigator has gone silent after investigating the area near a Clinton Foundation warehouse in Badlandabad, Iran. Sources tell us that Giuliani was investigating the Uranium One scandal. He was believed to have closed in on a large stockpile of the missing uranium.
Details out of Iran are sketchy at this time, but SEAL Team Zero Dark Thirty is on the ground to support the continued investigation and they have a lock on Giuliani’s flip-phone. The U.S. Department of Iranian Affairs provided the following statement via email:
“The SEAL Team is currently working with local officials to locate Mr. Giuliani, who is known to be in the area. We have a lock on his phone, but a large 5G tower on the roof of the Clinton warehouse is interfering with our ability to track it. We believe it is also interfering with Mr. Giuliani’s ability to call out or connect to the outside world.
The SEAL Team’s uranium radiation readings are inconclusive. We need to get into that warehouse before we can obtain more detailed readings. We are currently negotiating with both the Clinton Foundation and the Iranian government for permission to gain access to the warehouse.”
Joe Barron with the Department of Iranian Affairs has not replied to our requests for additional information.
International Correspondent Fareed Gupta was able to locate Prime Minister Taj Mahal of Badlandabad, who provided the following statement:
“Mr. Giuliani’s silence is unfortunate, but I know nothing of any uranium. According to import documents, the Clinton Foundation warehouse contained boxes of stuffed animals, blankets, medications and other relief supplies. Also lots of toilet paper, but not uranium. We need the toilet paper but we have no use for the uranium.
Regardless, I will have my Minister of Investigations look into the matter next week, when he returns from holiday in Risa.”
None of this passes the smell test.
Can we expect the truth from Iran? Has our stockpile of uranium been delivered into enemy hands? Why do these things always happen around the Clintons? What are they doing with 5G? Where’s Rudy?
I think we know the answer to all of that.