Biden Was Fed Town Hall Answers Via Earpiece

sneaky joe

In recent weeks, Sleepy Joe Biden has continued to defy persistent allegations that he is senile and that the cheese is slipping off the proverbial cracker by appearing lucid and providing meaningful answers to questions at press briefings, town halls, and debates.

This has left patriots around the country wondering what the heck is going on. After all, his behavior has been anything but that of a geriatric old fool with declining mental faculties.

This was especially evident at Thursday’s town hall event on ABC, where the presidential candidate put on a seemingly solid performance without the gaffes, stumbling over words and non-answers that are his hallmark.

Thanks to ABC’s audio technician Joe Barron, a fervent Trump supporter, we now know that none of the answers to questions posed during that town hall were, in fact, Biden’s own words.

In an exclusive interview, after reaching out to this publication in order to inform voters what really happened, Mr. Barron explains the sequence of event that occurred on Thursday:

“We had just finished wiring up Mr. Biden’s mic when a call came in from management that we were also to provide him with a earpiece. This was highly unusual not only because it’s unheard of, but they also asked me to give him one of our latest earpieces. They are smaller than a hearing aid and virtually undetectable to the naked eye.

What was even more unusual was that I was told to hook up the earpiece to an outside audio feed provided by a Zoom conference call.

As it turns out, there was only one other party on that conference call: Kamala Harris. Every time Mr. Biden was asked a question, Ms. Harris would dictate the answer and Mr. Biden then simply repeated her words.”

In a truly patriotic gesture, Mr. Barron also provided audio tapes of the conversation. We were able to confirm that Joe Biden’s answers to every question were a verbatim copy of those dictated by Kamala Harris.

But perhaps the most interesting lines spoken by Ms. Harris were those during commercial breaks. A few choice examples are below:

“You’re doing great, Joe. Remember, the drugs should keep you going all night. You’ll be fine.”

“Trump is f*cking killing it over on NBC. We need to get some more zingers in.”

“Bernie says to be more progressive in your answers.”

“Don’t spill the beans about our ‘agreement’.”

And finally,

“Thank God it’s over. I’ve been needing to take a piss for the last half hour. My back teeth are floating. Gotta run. Talk to you tomorrow.”

At several points, Ms. Harris also played “Hail to the Chief” and the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” in an apparent attempt to keep the former Vice President awake and alert.

Of course, only a Potatriot™ would actually believe this obviously made up nonsense. And for those who blindly share this article without actually reading it: you are an idiot. Put on your MAGA dunce cap and go sit in the corner.

About Watt A Plonker 41 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London, where he shares a flat with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.

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