Study: Exposure to Pink Fire Retardant Causes Homosexuality

The truth is right in front of you

Forest fires have been on the increase on a worldwide scale. Due to the remoteness of most of these fires, planes have been used to drop water and chemical fire retardants to extinguish them before they are able to endanger cities and towns. It seems that while they may put the fires out, they are causing an entirely different type of flame to ignite.

Kenneth Thomas, Professor Emeritus at the Judy Garland Institute, has been studying the effects of various air-deployed fire retardants used today. He spoke with Sandy Batt about his findings.

“The red fire retardants were popular until recently. We found that the chemical composition of them did a decent job putting out the fires but stained everything red. It had the effect of making everything look angry and unwelcoming.

When the color changed to pink, it changed everything. The pink fire retardant actually took the energy from the fires and infused it into people, making them gay and fabulous, not to mention eternally happy. I even got this amazing platinum hair from it! Studies that we have done have shown that even the smallest amount of exposure has very strong and indefinite impact.

Great parties, skinny dipping, lots of fun! People exposed to it can’t get angry, no matter how hard they try. I’m sorry that I didn’t get straight to the point, but the fact is that I can’t do anything straight!”

The Democrats covet the LGBTQIA vote and undoubtedly have the Deep State on their side cornering that fire retardant market. Given a choice between eternal happiness and letting everything burn to the ground, true Patriots will choose the latter every time, after all, that is why we elected our great President Trump.

About Pete Strocker 26 Articles
Pete Strocker (1821-1907, reborn in 1974) was good friends with Frederick Douglass before he left to form the first actual space force. With nothing but a Sith Lord and hundreds of stormtroopers and guys wearing red shirts, he ascended to the rank of Captain in Starfleet in 9 years, commanding 3 Star Destroyers until he wisecracked the Sith Lord and was killed by way of Force Lightning. Pete was reborn in 1974 when someone designing Pong hit the reset button. He has learned to not mess with Sith Lords and has instead turned to hard hitting journalism in the America’s Last Line of Defense Network.

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