The US Attorney for the Northeastern District of Southern Arkansas is ready to indict Bill and Hillary Clinton for Jeffrey Epstein’s murder in New York earlier this year.
According to our sources close to the investigation, Epstein was going to give Wikileaks all the info he had on Bill Clinton, which would have destroyed the left’s plan to install Hillary as Ambassador to the UN.
So the working theory is that they had him killed. Our source, a guard named Joe Barron who wishes to remain anonymous, says his roommate Kieth works with a guy named Ed who knows USDANWDSA Art Tubolls’ nephew, who may or may not have attended trump’s rally in Tulsa.
That guy told a friend of a friend that he knows for certain that the Clintons paid a Russian named Boris to break into the prison holding Epstein and strangle him with a bedsheet.
Those are the facts of the case presented to a grand jury in the 137th District Court of North Dakota, where Arkansas is bound by law to file federal cases.
Now, we just have to wait for the court to issue the indictment and send it to the 61st regional Court of Warrants in Memphis for one last signature. At that point, the Clintons will be toast.
There have been dozens of agents working the case for months. Nine of them will receive Presidential Medals of Valor for their outstanding contributions, and the rest will be fired, as they don’t believe the Clintons actually did anything wrong.
“We won’t have that kind of dissension in our ranks,” said Tubolls, “They’ll either fall into line and do the White House’s bidding or they can find new jobs and another country to live in.”
None of this information could be corroborated, as the guy who told the other guy that led to the information being passed to the third guy’s nephew can’t be used as a witness, since he likely doesn’t exist in nature.
“I don’t know how to subpoena someone like that,” said Tubolls, “but we can make the case without him. Or her.”
Great news, patriots. They won’t get away with it this time.