VP Pence to Lead New HIV Tracking Task Force

Speaking from the Nancy Reagan Memorial Wing of Desert Palm Hospital in Las Vegas, Vice President Mike Pence, who was flanked by former all-world basketball player Magic Johnson, announced to the world that a database will soon be created to track HIV cases by ZIP code across the United States of America.

Magic Johnson, as you may recall, shocked the world when he announced that he is HIV positive in 1991.

The new tracker will be based on those on several liberal local news outlets that are talking about some overblown flu that has overused by the Democrats in a failed effort to make our dear President look bad. It will take data from the CDC and put it onto an interactive and searchable map, similar to what is found in a search for sex offenders.

The only real question left to ask was ‘Why Magic Johnson?’

Art Tubolls explained:

“We felt it necessary to address as wide a population as possible. Black and white…slept with over 20,000 women, closeted flamboyant homosexual…personable, smarmy…you get the picture. We think we have the whole spectrum of humanity covered there.

Anyway, everyone knows that HIV and AIDS are the most dangerous thing out there. Never mind the fake news telling you that you really have to make an effort to get HIV and that there are drugs that you can take that keep it relatively harmless, we’re telling you it’s dangerous and we’re going to track it so you don’t have to!”

The tracker is long overdue. The do-nothing Democrats never did this. They’re too worried about some flu and impeaching our President to do anything constructive like this. Remember to vote them all out this November and put some action heroes in their place.

About Pete Strocker 26 Articles
Pete Strocker (1821-1907, reborn in 1974) was good friends with Frederick Douglass before he left to form the first actual space force. With nothing but a Sith Lord and hundreds of stormtroopers and guys wearing red shirts, he ascended to the rank of Captain in Starfleet in 9 years, commanding 3 Star Destroyers until he wisecracked the Sith Lord and was killed by way of Force Lightning. Pete was reborn in 1974 when someone designing Pong hit the reset button. He has learned to not mess with Sith Lords and has instead turned to hard hitting journalism in the America’s Last Line of Defense Network.